leaving..

Writing after a long time..i wont say I was too busy..guess I was too lazy…my lazyness sometimes surpasses the supreme example set by Garfiled..:)
anyway to start with am leaving my hometwon, my city..Kolkata..i have lived and relished almost every bit of my more than a decade stay here ,and in every possible way is grateful to this city..i wont say I didn’t had my share of misunderstandings with the her, but I have decided to forget and forgive.. some one must have wisely stated “let bygones be bygones”. .
But the point here is am actually leaving my home, my comfort zone ,my people, my friends and most importantly a part of me..and am kinda realizing the fact that leaving part of this entire process can be quite easy.. what am scared of “living after leaving”…I think how pathetically am gona suffer. .all alone.. on my own.. doing all my works.. and most importantly being responsible for all my deeds.. damn scary man!! Responsiblity has always been a major issue in my life. .and am sure many of you will gladly agree with my statement…
But as the cliches goes, life goes on.. you have to move on..etc etc..so even being scared, traumatized, agonized and to put it in a perfect phrase..inspite of getting mentally disturbed thinking of an entirely unknown life..am finally leaving..:)

something special..

from the time i have started writting this blog..i havnt really divulged any personal information about me..i wrote about incidents and my reactions to them..but sometimes its the feelings that accompanies certain unexpected moments that makes a good material to write about..some one has rightly said once that if u share your happiness it increases and wen u we share ur griefs, it decreases...today am gona follow this golden advice of the wise man and share with u my happiness and my grief..i may use a lot of words and write up a real messy piece, but do read it carefully....no,they r not something am boasting about...i just wana share,and expect that somehow i inspire u, to do the same..

lets talk about greifs first..then at least we can have a happy ending...:P

my biggest grief is my elder sister ...dont think am saying it, just for the sake of saying something.....am saying it becauses its actually the saddest part in my life...normal young people of my age, become sad due to low grades , love affairs going wrong, not gettng a new gadget to play with, short of pocket money..they have lots of reasons...am unfortunate to have only one....my sister is the single most important thing in my life..and what do u do when the thing u love most gets damaged?u care for it even more....if anything even slightest harm occurs to it,u feel ten times more than whats expected...

my sister got blind in an accident.....

when she cries, even when if its for nothing..i knw i can live with a rejection from harvard university, but not see her cry....i also feel in love, broke my heart, cried my heart out on my pillows...but that pain is nothing compared to the one when she got hurt and broke her leg....when anything bad happens to me...i knw i have better reasons to cry about...i have seen bigger griefs than this.....

now the thing which keeps me happy...its also my sister...

that accident not only robbed her of her vision but also her life stopped then and there....she resides at that age,she still feels she 12 year old girl and acts accordingly...she demands, she shows tantrums, becomes happy with new dresses and colourful hair bands...she religiously sits with her braile and studies every morning and evening...and sometimes she even do my work for me....only her mere presence is a reason enough for me to be happy....i am not a prefect person..i do mistakes quite often..but for her am a superhero..i can never do anythng wrong...she shows her pride in me in whatever i do..she thinks me beautiful and intelligent (although very few people might agree with this fact)...she instils in me such a confidence that sometimes i feel i can take on the whole world...some times we fight too(cumon we are siblings)...but she is always the one to say sorry and patch up...she criticises me,when am on the wrong side...she makes fun of my weaknesses,but then she always makes it clear that she loves me even with them....my friends say that am spoiled by my sister...she shares all her gifts with me....whenever something new is bought for her, she makes sure that i get something new too!!and u must see the glint of happiness all over her face when i bring her the jelly lojence that hawkers sell in the train compartments....

and u know what, may be u will never realise the way i feel, when u know that no matter what happens..whatever u do..wherever u are...there will be one person u can always fall back on..one person who will always be there for you..one person who will always think that u r the best!

she lives her incomplete life through me..but its she who makes my life complete....

the foggy night

writting after almost one month...was pretty busy these days..and busy not with works or projects, but with weddings..no, i ddnt got married!!am still single and still searching for a boyfriend , rather than a husband..:P..but some of my really close people did get married...one of them was my mama(my mom's cousin)..he lives in a village called gobordanga which is a 3 hrs drive from kolkata...and this was the first time i witnessed a wedding in a village...but i must say, it was so much fun! with all my cousins( i met some of them after nearly 6 yrs..) and new frnds, i made during the wedding, there was never a dull momnt...
theres one instance i particularly remember....it was the wedding night and some of us were returning home ....it was late at night and some how our car got separated from the other cars...our driver, who was a local chap, wanted to take us home through a shortcut...so he just took a turn from the main road, and started driving through the fields...it was an uneventful ride for some time, all of us were feelng sleepy and kinda dozing off inside the car, then all of a sudden the engine of the car stopped! at first we cudnt understand anything...but then i realised that we were in the middle of somewhere and there was thick fog surrounding us...all around us was a white blanket...nothng was visible but the 5 of us inside the vehicle...and if the headlight was switched off,evn the white blnket disappeared..it seemed as if we r engulfed in a blck hole..time has stopped...and we are on our way to enter a new world...there was complete silence all around....it was damn scary..never in my life i have been in such a situation...even our driver was scared....but somehow he started drivng, very slowly...after some time(it seemed eternity for me) we a saw a light...and with the light as a our guide we started drivng towards it....when we reached there, we saw it was a lamp post and we cud see a some houses nearby....the fog was disappearng slowly, and it was becuming clear..we heaved a sigh of relief and to make us feel a lil realxed our driver started naratting an anecdote..he stared telling us a local story...he said that there is a big tree nearby and its a popular belief that the tree is haunted by a number of ghosts..we started laughing and making fun of the people who believes this... but just as we thought the worst is over our car jerked and feel into a big pit, which was just in frnt of the haunted tree!! this time we wasted no time and started shouting as loud as we can....it was a complete chaos! i thnk we sacred the ghosts away!!:P
nway the car was pulled out somehow and finally after a half an hour drive we reached home...it was one of those very few moments of my life when am actually glad..:)

The HAIRCUT!!

Last week, i went to a famous beauty salon in my city to get a haircut...the stylist explained to me the detaillings of my new hairstyle and also how gud and "fresh" i will look after the session...i became happy of the prospect of an entirely new look!! and relieved that finally some one understands wat to do with my frenzy fluffy hairs! but some how i felt as if the stylist was more excited..i cud see he was grinning ear to ear.. as if, he was very near to solve a long unsolved mystery!!
thay gave me a shampoo and a hair massage..it was indeed "fresh".. and i was all set to get rid of some extra locks from my head....i closed my eyes..and dreamt of a new day, when people will look at me twice...they will think, from where has this girl cut her hair...she looks so different.!!!.how my frnds will shriek and cry out my name in utter amazement..ahhh..satisfying, wishful thoughts...
and suddenly i heard my mom calling my name..i looked around and saw her looking at me, quite amused ..she was smilling in an odd way..as if she wants to laugh out loud, but cant due to some genuine problem...
nway, i looked away from her..to the stylist...his proud satisfied smile(yes..the ear to ear grin) was all over his face..and finally i looked at the full size mirror in front of me...
if this was a thriller sitcom, the episode would have ended here..leaving a lot to the viewer's imaginations..fortunately for u ...this is not....
i lukd at myself...and i lukd at myself..actually i was searching for myself..where is me?? wheres the priom who side parts her every hair and makes a pony tail..instead there is some chinese -keralite hybrid species staring at me from the mirror...the damn stylist has cut my front hairs so small that at that very momnt i knew that i need an entire stock of 100 black clips ASAP!!
still now i have'nt got over my initial trauma..people have not yet stopped asking me the question that what did i do to myself???...one idiot even dared to ask me that whether my hair got stuck in some machine!!
but i have acted maturedly, i have kept my cool and answered them accordingly...but my every answer came with a certain piece of advice....never trust a stylist..a stylist who grins ear to ear before cutting your hair...

dedicated to all my friends...

Have u ever hated ur friends? U know, ur really close ones. .the ones whom u know from the last 10-12 years..or maye be more..u have literally grown up with them..seen them, wearing half trousers to school..cumng to school holding their parent’s hands and some also on parents’s scooters..., crying when made to sit beside girls..fytng over highest marks,tryng to becum the teacher’s pet….dancing oddly on the cultural functions on teacher’s days and doing march past on republic days!! trying hard(most of the tyms failing!!!) to adjust when the class teacher changed our places(..and that’s how we made our enemies! suddenly i miss my enemies!),..gettng beaten to blue by our teachers(one poor guy got nine slaps at one go, by an english teacher of ours..oh!those glorious days!! deep sigh)..... spending hours, just by talking uselessly( also mindlessly)...playing pranks ,creating rumours and fighting hard on"who said what "and the numerous number of gossips and controversies that were part of our daily lives during school…and then cryng foolishly on our school farewell…
I saw them through college….that was a tricky period.. am not really sure what effect it had on them and what actually happened then......u know....the introverts became extroverts and vice versa…the introvert intelligent, walked the ramp for a college fashion show…the quite shy, did drugs…the truly committed ,broke up and fell in love n number of times…..the dancer stopped dancing and started to study hard( and whole nights too!!)for semesters, trimesters, quaterly exams, sometimes for class tests or even surprise quizzes!!.…the singers stopped singing...the nerd, getng drunk on college socials and cryng foolishly….the painter stopped to paint and started studyng about electrical circuits…the hopeless romantic, picking up a guitar and started playng rock music!!the confused loner, suddenly became a stand up comedian…. The flamboyant lover..well he remained a flamboyant lover ..yeah some thngs did remain the same…
anyway life moved on....
I saw them getting graduate..and some studying for post graduation…and some with their first jobs..(no one has yet given me a treat for that though!)u shameless people!)!I saw them fall in love..then also fall out of love..then ready to get married..and actually getting married(yesh one of them, a guy, to be precise, got married at the tender age of 21!!!)..and actually getng on the verge of becoming a parent(its only that guy who got married!he has always been a lil forward than the rest of us! )
So u see..my feeling of hatred towards them is not what I aimed for in the long run…they all have slowly,steadily and surely gained that themselves…they have put in their best efforts in the process…they thought and planned…they manipulated....they bribed…they did anything and everything under the blue sky and the dark universe to make me hate them…and u knw how they actually acomplished the task?? THEY (just) GOT BUSY!!
I got busy too…but I always had and will have time for them..
but I still do hate them anyway..
And by the way merry christmass to u all!!

anger.....

have u ever felt angry for no reasn in particular? am sure u must have felt so..i have asked this question to many of my friends and foes and they all have replied in affirmation....so taking for granted, that u my frnd also do get angry without any reasn, let me confess to u the fact that, at this very moment am feelng just so!am angry!! very much! and any one cumng within 5 mts of my aura, is getng severley thrashed (or rather burnt)by super sarcastical commnts!!
so am left alone for good and i have sat down to write this post...where am tryng to realise the origin of my unwanted, unexpected wrath!
the day began quite well...i woke up late...had a great breakfast(it was already cold..i told you i woke up late)..read my whole sunday newspaper...(i like to read fresh paper, b4 any1 reads it..today it was already opened and read by my sister,
but .....nevrmind..)it was a nice sunday morning and there was nothing to destroy my unadulterated satisfaction about it...
i went out with my mother...it was a sunday, and it definitely seemed one! there were kids all over the place..they were wearing bright coloured sweaters, mufflers, monkey caps!!oh!! how wonderful they all looked! how colourful each one of them was!they were happy...they were out with their parents to enjoy the day! (i was out with one of my parent too....but i was on my way to give a exam...i was tensed, i was worried, i was feelng restless!!..well when u dont study and expect for miracles to happen in your answer sheets u do get such feeling...some of u must be knowing it....
but...... nevermind...)
i reached my destination..there were students all over...studyng, chattng with frnds...discussng questions....all set to give their best shot!(yeah i was dere..alone,without any frnd, without any any knowledge of wat the questions will be about..i was feelng like running away!! i started to think.."girl, what r u doing here?...u shud have been in ISRO now..planning the launch of chandrayan II"!! the thougt gave me enough comfort...well now i knw that i can surely perform better here than at ISRO....
but soon enuf the upcoming anxiety of the ordeal called examination engulfed me...
but........ nevermind..)
finally, i sat for my examination...my neighbouring examinees were lost in their question booklets..scribbing answers...it was all very quite (yes,i was writing too...i wrote what i knew well...and things i knew not so well..and also things i had no idea about...i was stuck, i was scared..time was running away...it has never waited for me!!why is this injustice only with me god??!!
but..... nevermind....)
the exam ended..i left the hall..there were some smilling faces, some worried and some satisfied ones ...(this time i was smilling...and this was a genuine smile...am alive..i have survived it.....i tired to hide from myself,the fact that there are more of these ordeals to come in the near future....
but.... nevermind)
it was enjoying my way back home...i was feeling the cold winds on my face..it was soothing..refreshing..satisfying........(my mother suddenly felt that i will catch some common cold/flu/fever/influenza/tuberculosis/whatever!!!and i shud close the window of the car at once!!
.....but..... nevermind)
somehow i reached home..washed up..and ran to get my story book..i have been reading it religiously for the last 3 days..it was a tagore's novel...it was a romantic drama...it had certain hints of feel good humour in it...i knew i need it...(but then i decided not to read it....well,in my absence the book was taken away, by one of my cousin..she too wanted to read it..and today only..
but.... nevermind)
well...now u see there was absolutely no reason for me to get angry...but still i am!! and so very much!!! i will never understand myself!!
but nevermind.....

well.. i shud give some introduction..

blogging is totally a new thing to me...i kinda discovered it today..well i know many of u must be wondering whether i live in some remote part of some oddly remote country,with no modern facilities and technologies..but the ans is no..i live in a pretty much well connected and for the namesake a metropolitian city...but as u will get to know me u will understand y am so blissfully ignorant! for a start,the reason being that am a big fan of the master detective-Sherlock Holmes and he once said that-ur mind is a vacant room, decorate it tastefully, fill it with things u need to have...just dnt stuff it with countless useless comodities...
well thats a pretty much fancy way to say it..but the actual reason is am just plain lazy...and blogging i thot myt have required a lot of thinking and typing...am doing it now...and inspite of myself, am finding it as a refreshing change..
by now u must have understood that i talk way too much than required..and thankfully, no one is gona ask me to stop here...its my blog and am the one to speak here..:P
well besides talking, i like to travel...although i have been to very few places, outside my home town..but i enjoyed my evry travelling experiences...and i do plan to visit a lot of exotic places in the near future...oh, how much i wud love to visit the Europe!! even the thought makes me feel happy!some times i think i shud have been a sailor, u knw..wandering aimlessly in the big big deep blue oceans..discovering places..and naming them..yeah, am no columbus..but columbus was no priom...:P and btw mark my words am not gonna discover another America for sure! one has done enuf damage to the world already!!
well its this much for now...will be posting soon*
*i make a lot of spelling mistakes, i kinda have some problem with them..sorry about it..kindly bear with me...