leaving..

Writing after a long time..i wont say I was too busy..guess I was too lazy…my lazyness sometimes surpasses the supreme example set by Garfiled..:)
anyway to start with am leaving my hometwon, my city..Kolkata..i have lived and relished almost every bit of my more than a decade stay here ,and in every possible way is grateful to this city..i wont say I didn’t had my share of misunderstandings with the her, but I have decided to forget and forgive.. some one must have wisely stated “let bygones be bygones”. .
But the point here is am actually leaving my home, my comfort zone ,my people, my friends and most importantly a part of me..and am kinda realizing the fact that leaving part of this entire process can be quite easy.. what am scared of “living after leaving”…I think how pathetically am gona suffer. .all alone.. on my own.. doing all my works.. and most importantly being responsible for all my deeds.. damn scary man!! Responsiblity has always been a major issue in my life. .and am sure many of you will gladly agree with my statement…
But as the cliches goes, life goes on.. you have to move on..etc etc..so even being scared, traumatized, agonized and to put it in a perfect phrase..inspite of getting mentally disturbed thinking of an entirely unknown life..am finally leaving..:)

something special..

from the time i have started writting this blog..i havnt really divulged any personal information about me..i wrote about incidents and my reactions to them..but sometimes its the feelings that accompanies certain unexpected moments that makes a good material to write about..some one has rightly said once that if u share your happiness it increases and wen u we share ur griefs, it decreases...today am gona follow this golden advice of the wise man and share with u my happiness and my grief..i may use a lot of words and write up a real messy piece, but do read it carefully....no,they r not something am boasting about...i just wana share,and expect that somehow i inspire u, to do the same..

lets talk about greifs first..then at least we can have a happy ending...:P

my biggest grief is my elder sister ...dont think am saying it, just for the sake of saying something.....am saying it becauses its actually the saddest part in my life...normal young people of my age, become sad due to low grades , love affairs going wrong, not gettng a new gadget to play with, short of pocket money..they have lots of reasons...am unfortunate to have only one....my sister is the single most important thing in my life..and what do u do when the thing u love most gets damaged?u care for it even more....if anything even slightest harm occurs to it,u feel ten times more than whats expected...

my sister got blind in an accident.....

when she cries, even when if its for nothing..i knw i can live with a rejection from harvard university, but not see her cry....i also feel in love, broke my heart, cried my heart out on my pillows...but that pain is nothing compared to the one when she got hurt and broke her leg....when anything bad happens to me...i knw i have better reasons to cry about...i have seen bigger griefs than this.....

now the thing which keeps me happy...its also my sister...

that accident not only robbed her of her vision but also her life stopped then and there....she resides at that age,she still feels she 12 year old girl and acts accordingly...she demands, she shows tantrums, becomes happy with new dresses and colourful hair bands...she religiously sits with her braile and studies every morning and evening...and sometimes she even do my work for me....only her mere presence is a reason enough for me to be happy....i am not a prefect person..i do mistakes quite often..but for her am a superhero..i can never do anythng wrong...she shows her pride in me in whatever i do..she thinks me beautiful and intelligent (although very few people might agree with this fact)...she instils in me such a confidence that sometimes i feel i can take on the whole world...some times we fight too(cumon we are siblings)...but she is always the one to say sorry and patch up...she criticises me,when am on the wrong side...she makes fun of my weaknesses,but then she always makes it clear that she loves me even with them....my friends say that am spoiled by my sister...she shares all her gifts with me....whenever something new is bought for her, she makes sure that i get something new too!!and u must see the glint of happiness all over her face when i bring her the jelly lojence that hawkers sell in the train compartments....

and u know what, may be u will never realise the way i feel, when u know that no matter what happens..whatever u do..wherever u are...there will be one person u can always fall back on..one person who will always be there for you..one person who will always think that u r the best!

she lives her incomplete life through me..but its she who makes my life complete....

the foggy night

writting after almost one month...was pretty busy these days..and busy not with works or projects, but with weddings..no, i ddnt got married!!am still single and still searching for a boyfriend , rather than a husband..:P..but some of my really close people did get married...one of them was my mama(my mom's cousin)..he lives in a village called gobordanga which is a 3 hrs drive from kolkata...and this was the first time i witnessed a wedding in a village...but i must say, it was so much fun! with all my cousins( i met some of them after nearly 6 yrs..) and new frnds, i made during the wedding, there was never a dull momnt...
theres one instance i particularly remember....it was the wedding night and some of us were returning home ....it was late at night and some how our car got separated from the other cars...our driver, who was a local chap, wanted to take us home through a shortcut...so he just took a turn from the main road, and started driving through the fields...it was an uneventful ride for some time, all of us were feelng sleepy and kinda dozing off inside the car, then all of a sudden the engine of the car stopped! at first we cudnt understand anything...but then i realised that we were in the middle of somewhere and there was thick fog surrounding us...all around us was a white blanket...nothng was visible but the 5 of us inside the vehicle...and if the headlight was switched off,evn the white blnket disappeared..it seemed as if we r engulfed in a blck hole..time has stopped...and we are on our way to enter a new world...there was complete silence all around....it was damn scary..never in my life i have been in such a situation...even our driver was scared....but somehow he started drivng, very slowly...after some time(it seemed eternity for me) we a saw a light...and with the light as a our guide we started drivng towards it....when we reached there, we saw it was a lamp post and we cud see a some houses nearby....the fog was disappearng slowly, and it was becuming clear..we heaved a sigh of relief and to make us feel a lil realxed our driver started naratting an anecdote..he stared telling us a local story...he said that there is a big tree nearby and its a popular belief that the tree is haunted by a number of ghosts..we started laughing and making fun of the people who believes this... but just as we thought the worst is over our car jerked and feel into a big pit, which was just in frnt of the haunted tree!! this time we wasted no time and started shouting as loud as we can....it was a complete chaos! i thnk we sacred the ghosts away!!:P
nway the car was pulled out somehow and finally after a half an hour drive we reached home...it was one of those very few moments of my life when am actually glad..:)

The HAIRCUT!!

Last week, i went to a famous beauty salon in my city to get a haircut...the stylist explained to me the detaillings of my new hairstyle and also how gud and "fresh" i will look after the session...i became happy of the prospect of an entirely new look!! and relieved that finally some one understands wat to do with my frenzy fluffy hairs! but some how i felt as if the stylist was more excited..i cud see he was grinning ear to ear.. as if, he was very near to solve a long unsolved mystery!!
thay gave me a shampoo and a hair massage..it was indeed "fresh".. and i was all set to get rid of some extra locks from my head....i closed my eyes..and dreamt of a new day, when people will look at me twice...they will think, from where has this girl cut her hair...she looks so different.!!!.how my frnds will shriek and cry out my name in utter amazement..ahhh..satisfying, wishful thoughts...
and suddenly i heard my mom calling my name..i looked around and saw her looking at me, quite amused ..she was smilling in an odd way..as if she wants to laugh out loud, but cant due to some genuine problem...
nway, i looked away from her..to the stylist...his proud satisfied smile(yes..the ear to ear grin) was all over his face..and finally i looked at the full size mirror in front of me...
if this was a thriller sitcom, the episode would have ended here..leaving a lot to the viewer's imaginations..fortunately for u ...this is not....
i lukd at myself...and i lukd at myself..actually i was searching for myself..where is me?? wheres the priom who side parts her every hair and makes a pony tail..instead there is some chinese -keralite hybrid species staring at me from the mirror...the damn stylist has cut my front hairs so small that at that very momnt i knew that i need an entire stock of 100 black clips ASAP!!
still now i have'nt got over my initial trauma..people have not yet stopped asking me the question that what did i do to myself???...one idiot even dared to ask me that whether my hair got stuck in some machine!!
but i have acted maturedly, i have kept my cool and answered them accordingly...but my every answer came with a certain piece of advice....never trust a stylist..a stylist who grins ear to ear before cutting your hair...